i am almost positive that i have become intellectually retarded. if that makes any fucking sense.
i HATE the way i write. and it makes me sad.
I NEVER USED TO WRITE THIS WAY!!!!!!
i sound like a fool. an ape. an uneducated inexperienced piece of crap.
but maybe i'm just not giving myself the benefit of the doubt? i mean,i don't know. i did smoke and drink and drugggggg myself STUPID. according to the books and encyclopedias, prolonged drug use does impair intelligence and further impairs learning ability.
it's not me, it's the drugs.
i have not seen the world yet. i want to go everywhere, except here. i want to go to a place where no one knows who i am, where i've been, what i've done. i don't like to be looked upon as this, this addict. i embrace it, nevertheless, i yell it out loud, but part of me is ashamed i subjected myself to treading down a path i knew not to go. ashamed it has changed me into someone i, myself, looking in the mirror, do not recognize. i am different now, to you, him, her, he, she. no one knows the difference because it's a first impression. but i know. i know deep inside that this isn't me.
i don't know what to do with myself...
i found something that makes me smile. but i'm not revealing what it is.
i get paid tomorrow.
i bought a new book and i'm going to start it tonight.
i haven't had sex in 4 days, and it's not bothering me!