think

she speaks quickly. seeming to deliberately avoid pronunciation of each syllable, inable to sound-out-words. verbally.
everything is in her mind. the best way out is on paper. or, keyboard.
she's a mess. and a disaster.
life was a straight path for a moment. no bumps, cracks...
now it seems she's approached a huge, menacing STOP SIGN.
after the sign, there's a gap in the road. gaping wide open and disturbingly inviting.
every
single
line
inches her
CLOSER
and CLOSER
to the fall.
who is she? where is she going? when will this end?

there's a justification to every fuck-up, every mistake.
i know what i'm doing, i just don't know how to stop.

clamburger

i am justified in everything i say, do, and feel.
even when i am wrong.

this is because i am me, and i don't care about you. you, you, and especially you, or what you think.

the artist gone wrong, the rambler, the pessimist, the heart breaker.

i love to use, but not to be used.
i love to chase, but if you chase me i'll run away, and you'll never catch me.

so what if i lie? so what if i drink and smoke and stuff?
so what if i say things i don't mean, and even more, so what if i say fucked up shit that i do mean?


who cares?

i love to watch movies over and over and over. and i leave good songs on repeat. yes, and i do it, just to annoy the living hell out of everyone.
if you don't like it, take a hike.

or eat my clamburger.

either way, i win.

oh hi

i'm bianca.

i'm happy.

not much else to say.

thanks.

works in progress

im not accustomed to this notion
a standstill, witholding devotion
the useless parodies of
delusions of grandeur
wherein my fragile heart
can no longer endure
the most beautiful disaster
you'd ever lay your eyes upon
the way i felt in your arms,
and when you spoke, i was wrong.
you are not the idea i beheld
just bits and pieces of the sought out picture
the main vowel in this love, mispelled
inflicting my grievance, becoming a fixture


_________________



i just can't deal with your chronically combative constipated ways
i mix salt with water and make tears in a jar
readily available for me to pour
the feeble attempts i put out to put-you out
leave me sauntering between, at least, a burdensome mishap
and, at most, a breathtaking release
i'm eavesdropping on the meaning behind your screaming
drastically fanatically picking apart questions
releasing the demons, and losing the essence


_________________


and then a complete:

fervently anticipating your arrival
i make motions with hands, impatient
tap,
tap tap
you are the fuse to my shortage
making more use out of the fact that
your love, i can't afford.
im slipping, slowly,
and i feverishly spit out hurried causes,
then sew my mouth shut
so you can't crawl down my throat.
i'm no damn fool
but what is it that's got me feining you?


magnificently i caught you off guard
and you called me the wife type.
the type that you could very well make do with.
don't make that mistake
by talking sweet nothings to my ear.
i keep the nouns in a box,
and i wear the vowels on a chain.
for i am the epitome of your blueprint,
the idea that you behold, but are ultimately blind to.
wake up, i am waiting.

so complacent and unaware that this actually might not be
exactly what i think it is
i am smiling with a blindfold over my eyes
and my heart on my sleeve
waiting for the hollow point to pierce,
emtpy with your words.

ooOO

this is the area i avoid.
my lips smashed together.
eyes wide shut and glistening.
teeth grinding, mouth parched.
mind boggled.
where are we?
who is this?
what the fuck?
lets make music.

this is right on point

There are no half measures with Aries; they are either right into a relationship or completely uninterested. Impulsive by nature they are super-quick when it comes to falling into sexual lust. They tend to be romantic and need a lover who won't drive them crazy because, when under emotional pressure, Aries can let the rest of their lives fall apart.

To an Aries love and sex is as necessary as drinking and eating and they can become irritable, argumentative and unwell when their sex life slows down. Too often the Aries set sights on someone they know is not suitable for them and, while they might relish the resulting drama, they soon become bored as indeed, they also do, with someone who is easy to be around.

Arians are exciting bed mates that are happy to take the lead and, are generally always ready for more. They are turned on by spontaneous and novel sex and, the more outrageous, the better. They tend toward sexy thrills and might have some very kinky fantasies.

The Arian can be impatient and somewhat selfish. Their organism is the number one priority. They like their own space, can be instantly turned off by an over- possessive lover and, upon the withdrawal of sexual favors by a partner, swiftly turn their attention into the arms of another.

Aries erogenous areas centre on the head and face so; light finger attention to lips, cheeks and hair is a sure way to generate an amorous reaction from an Aries partner.

____________________________________________________


i love being an aries. (: i'm exciting.

addiction

an addicts mind is one that is misunderstood.
i depise people who think they know what they're talking about when they say, "i understand what you're going through". because no, you don't.
i hate it when someone asks me, "can't you just not think about it?". because no, i can't.
i loathe when a person says, "you said yourself you were stonger than that". because, sometimes, i'm not.
you cannot identify yourself with me until you stick a needle in your arm and feel the rush go through your veins, and then up to your head, and then down to your heart, and you catch a glimpse of heaven. or take a hit from a pipe, or rail a line, and feel the euphoria settle in.
you
don't
know
shit.
how hard it is to stay away, when everything you know screams it's name.
i don't mean literally, i mean metaphorically.
when i party, i want a rail. cuz a party aint a party without some blow.
when i have sex, i want a hit. cuz sex aint sex without some tina.
it drives me fucking insane.
i'm sober though... fuck that, right?

if it were all so simple baby, i wouldn't be writing this.
temptation, temptation.


don't fret. i'm not back tracking.
i'm venting.